What NOT to do when starting an interracial relationship

Starting out any relationship can be difficult. Of course there is passion and enthusiasm, but additionally you do not really know the other person and it is easier to end up with huge misunderstandings. When it comes to white women and black men dating, things can be slightly more complicated, especially if an interracial relationship is a new experience for one or both of them. Let's have a look at common mistakes that people do, when they start a relationship with someone from another race and ways to avoid them.

You seem to be too enthusiastic about their race

You might think that this is a complement, but it is not. If you say things like “I love black men! They are so fit and strong”, you give the message that any black man would do for you. Try making specific compliments instead, like “I like your eyes/smile/sense of humor”. This way you let the other person know that it is specifically them that you are drawn to.

You do not make long term plans

We are not talking about a wedding and children. But many people, when they start an interracial relationship, feel some insecurity, as they worry their partner sees it as a short-term experience. Try to comfort them and make them feel that you genuinely care about them. If you datewhite women, for example, do not exhaust your planning to “clubbing on Saturday”. Make a plan about a trip that you could take together in three weeks or ask her to meet her friends or cousins. This way you show that you are here to stay, at least until you figure out if you are really a match.

You complement their friends way too much

That is closely related to number one. Women who dateblack men for the first time are excited to find themselves surrounded by a black community. Observing the way this community looks, talks, behaves, interacts etc can be very exciting. But making compliments all the time about how “your cousin is such a great dancer” or “your friend is really fit”, you are more likely to make him jealous than happy. After all, you just started your relationship and he should be the focus of your attention.

You try to change your partner

This is a serious one and you should think about it before even starting a relationship, interracial or not. If you decide to be with someone, you need to understand that they are not going to change. Yes, people can change their behavior to keep you happy for a while. But soon they will feel restricted and miserable. So if you like your partner the way he or she is, do not pay attention to minor details. No one is perfect. And never start a relationship when having in mind that “when I persuade him to change that thing, he will be the perfect partner”. You will feel disappointed and he will feel oppressed. End of relationship.

You try to convert your partner

Surely, that is not the same as asking someone to change his character, right? Wrong! Asking someone to follow your religion, your belief system, your values and so on is a huge thing to ask. Of course, there are relationships where one of the two partners decided to change a religion. But it has to be your partners free choice. And there are many other interracial relationships, where each partner keeps and honors their own traditions and creates some of their own to share. Keep in mind that for many people their religion or tradition defines how they perceive the world to a great extent and changing that can cause conflict not only with their families, but with themselves as well. If you feel that you could never be with a man who does not believe in the same god as you do, you can always find someone from another race with the same religion. That will save you both a lot of drama.

You do not show interest in their cultural background

This one might seem contradicting with the first one, but it is totally different. Race and culture are not the same thing at all. Many African Americans have a heritage from different African countries. The same goes for white women. Their family might be coming from Sweden, Italy, Ireland or Russia. Showing interest to your partner's cultural background shows them that you are interested to get to know them on a deeper level. Ask them to show you pictures of their parents and siblings or pictures of the place where they were born. You will sure hear many interesting stories!

Keep in mind that regardless of race, people in a new relationship want to feel loved, accepted, wanted, unique and secure. With these guidelines in mind, you can't go wrong.